Pause Button ...

This few months I have needed a lot of private time with God. Being out there running, swimming and cycling have blocked off that personal time I needed with Him. But Today, its time to give thanks to Him for the space that He has given me (and still giving) me to grow and personalize my own faith in Him rather than taking it lock, stock and barrel. Honesty can be a scary thing but in our relationship it has led me on a pursuit for real answers and tough questions that sometimes bring a fresh bout of pain to truly face up to those personal hang-ups and areas that I have screwed-up on. There are certain days when I come across a bible passage or verse and I question myself with 'Do I believe (in His promise or His word)?' as in I really, really believe? During those moments of doubts, it can be a lonely journey, spiritually speaking.

At the back of my mind was my career and my life ahead, and I was trying to decipher where to go from here, what lies beyond now and what's my game plan over the next six months, next year and so on. Should I cruise along or create another path in an area that will enhance my current contribution to the world around me? I have come to terms that being a believer is to be aware of the purpose of struggling with whatever, and sometimes being hurt along the way, and all these struggles somehow softens the heart to relate with those who are in the same state of mind. And that leads to...what?

The Father sees every person worth going out for, but as humans, what seems more obvious are their negative traits and its hard to feel for them the way He feels, let alone go all out to 'save' them for Him. But again and again, He has been saying that yes, there's a lot of not so good people out there but they are outnumbered by those that are 'gems' in the eyes of God. And back to the question of all these things that happened in my life will lead to what? There's no fireworks nor thousand angels choir singing when the answer came...its basically to live my life to fulfil the Great Commission. It sounds so simple but going through the maze in my mind and ploughing my way through to reach this one and old conclusion is afterall His way of getting my own 'buy in' to it, to test my conviction on how much I do believe in it at this stage of my life. And once I am convinced of it, my career, my future, again can have a base to springboard whatever ideas or game plan I will conceive over the next few months.

He has been a great Father, allowing me to take my step of faith and push that boundary of my mindset and discover what it means to me, to the way I am cut out to be. What's really cool is that after taking that sharp corner, He is there ready to meet up again.